Guided Meditation by Mark H. and Joe H. on the first three steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
In this powerful meditation on steps 1-3 of Alcoholics Anonymous, two of the most respected AA speakers share how they took the Big Book in to consideration while taking these vital spiritual exercises.
Considerations on the first three steps as laid out by Mark H. and Joe H. in Arizona in 2002.
(Note: This is intended as a guided meditation)
Without opening your eyes, staying in that place, which is the place where truth comes from, where God is: both in and outside of you; all around you.
Is this work as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous what I want to do?
Am I willing to go to any length; even though I may not know what that may look like; to do this work and to seek God’s will?
Why do I need to do this work?
And why with the group or person I’ve chosen?
Am I willing to look at and begin to admit to the areas of my life where I am being dishonest with myself and others?
Am I willing to ask that which I believe in; in my way, from my own heart, for an open mind and a new experience with the things that I would like to have an open mind and a new experience with?
Do I believe this book is laid out to show other alcoholics precisely how to recover and that’s the main purpose of this book?
Am I willing to admit from where I am now, that in and of myself, without God that I am nothing – and without God I am lost?
Does my experience abundantly confirm that once I put alcohol and or drugs into my system something happens where I lose control over the amount I take once I start?
Am I willing to look at that with alcohol?
Am I willing to look at that with drugs?
Or whatever my problem might be?
Whatever the symptoms of my problem might be?
These are the symptoms but it’s very important to have a clear first half of step one.
If I’m scattered with many, many issues, and many, many problems; I will continue to feel scattered.
I should start with my primary symptom.
Am I willing to ask God to help me concede to my inner most self, the truth of my first step?
Am I convinced that I am not like other people or presently?
Has that idea been smashed, that drunk or sober; I am an alcoholic and I cannot manage my own life?
Am I convinced that at a certain time; and I might not know when that certain time might be, how it would feel, or what it would look like; that there will be no effective mental defense against the first drink or drug – and that no human being, no human power can provide that defense?
And am I convinced that whatever it is that I’m powerless over; whatever the truth is in the first half of step 1 for me; that my defense must come from a higher power?
Do I believe I’m suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer?
And do I have any other alternatives but the two on page 25;
1: to go on the best I can; blotting out the consciousness of my situation the best I can, dying an alcoholic and or drug addicted life or
2: to live on a spiritual basis?
Do I have any other alternatives?
Is lack of power my dilemma?
And do I need a power by which I can live?
And am I committed to finding out where and how to find that power?
Do I now believe or am even willing to believe that there is a Power greater than myself, that can take beyond where I am, with everything I’ve seen in the first step: my trouble with personal relationships, my emotional nature, my dependencies, medication, love, effectiveness, work, passion, passionate life, money, being of real help to other people, past where I am with fear?
Do I believe God can take me past here?
And not only do I believe; but can he?
Am I willing to face the doubt and reservations I have about; will He, for me, as I am, with the truth that I’ve seen in step 1?
Am I willing to face my doubt?
Am I willing to ask to be shown my current agnosticism?
And do I see that my current agnosticism is the same and only a reflection of the current unmanageability, the manifestations of page 52, as they are now?
Can I see that that is my agnosticism?
Am I willing to face my current situation, surrender to a self-imposed crisis, that I can no longer blame on anyone else or anything else; that I can no longer postpone or that I can no longer evade?
Am I willing – without fear — without fear – to face the proposition that God is either everything or he is nothing; to choose that he is, or to choose now that he isn’t?
If you’re new, if you’re old, if you’re in between; please don’t think that you can’t choose either one.
You can do the work from a place to be shown.
You can do the work from a place that you choose God is nothing.
You can choose that He isn’t.
You can choose to be shown.
You will have a much easier time that those that think they’re big time, true believers.
Have I faced my doubt?
Have I faced my prejudice, my worship of things, of people, of sentiment, of money, of myself, of the worship I have of my mind, my ideas, my notes, and or what I’ve learned?
Did I really mean what I said in my set aside prayer?
Do I really want an open mind and a new experience?
Or do I want to add to what I already know?
Am I willing to abandon it all – utterly?
So with the work I’ve done up to this moment; up to this day, in the first step; body, mind, spirit, with the work I’ve done in the 2nd step with looking at what I’ve seen drunk or sober:
Am I convinced that I’m an alcoholic and or a drug addict or whatever your truth is and that my life is unmanageable?
Can I move my life past where I am?
Even with the amount of power I currently have?
Am I willing to face at this point what I’ve done with Grace, what I do with Power, what I do with all that I’ve been given and see that within the realization of the Grace of God in my life – weather it’s one day or twenty-five years – that in the middle of the realization of the Grace of God in your life, is where a fearless first step will be?
If there’s any fear left to face the proposition that God is everything or nothing; then there’s a piece of self that has a reservation about alcohol.
Because if you’re afraid of drinking again, if you’re afraid of facing any of this stuff: you will not meet the condition that says you must fearlessly face the proposition God is everything or nothing.
And if there is fear; am I willing to look thru it and see that there’s a part of self that believes I, without God, can do something about those fears?
Am I really convinced that no human power can relieve what I suffer from?
NO HUMAN POWER?
And am willing to believe that God not only can; but that he will, for me; if I seek him?
And do I believe that God will give me the Power to seek Him?
Am I convinced that my life run on my will is not successful?
With the Power, with the Grace that I’ve been given; if I’ve clearly seen the unmanageability that I currently have, if I’ve really seen the current agnosticism that I have; am I willing to believe that God can and Will for me – take me past where I am, and that my life, as I currently am when I’m running on self will; outside of God’s will does not work?
Can I see clearly that selfishness and self centeredness is the root of what I suffer from?
And that driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity; I step on the toes of my fellows and they retaliate?
And that I make decisions based on self at some time in the past, which has placed me in a position to be hurt, confused, and baffled?
And at the same time that that suffering has created a desire to move past where I am – to be moved past where I am?
Can I see the freedom in the fact that my troubles are of my own making and that I am not a victim of the things that I have seen in that unmanageability, in that agnosticism, in that list of areas where I’m running my life on self will which will become my inventory?